The Top 10 Difference Between a Friend and a Bestfriend

Whenever a friend goes off to another part of the world whether to study, to seek their fortunes, to conquer, to take a much needed break, we always send them off in the best possible way. To me, my great circle of friends and the best family anyone can ask for, this doesn’t mean fancy sendoffs in hotels and yachts. It means honest I-hope-you’ll-find-what-you’re-looking-for-but-I’ll-miss-you-and-I-hope-you’ll-miss-me-too-and-always-email-me, its laughter about everything under the sun over drinks, its tears of sadness and joy, and hopes of seeing each other again really soon. Speaking as someone whose friends and family are scattered all over the globe, I can say, with feelings (yes, even the movie-style full of chuvaness type of feelings) that one can never have too many friends. I think I’m just truly blessed that my great circle of bestfriends consist of family as well.

In tribute to my framily, here and overseas, I’ve stolen another of TMR’s top tens: The Top Ten Difference Between a Friend and a Bestfriend. This makes it clear that I don’t have much friends, only a great bunch of Bestfriends.

1. No name – A friend is someone you call to confide that you just killed someone. A best friend is someone who’ll show up at your door with a shovel.
2. KiD BuKid – A friend will rush to your aid if you fall flat on your face. A best friend will laugh and yell, “tanga!”
3. Young Indy – A friend returns a favor. A best friend doesn’t because there are no favors between best friends.
4. Mariang Makiling – A friend will listen to what you’re saying. A best friend will listen to what you’re NOT saying.
5. Stephase – A friend will comfort you if you’re crying over a boy. A best friend will tell you you’re an idiot and to snap out of it.
6. Tish – A friend will tell you that what you’re doing is wrong. A best friend will join you.
7. No name – A friend will bail you out when you’re in jail. A best friend won’t because he’s in jail with you.
8. Randy Jackstone – A friend will hide me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they’re after me in the first place.
9. Itchieboy – Upon seeing your mom in your house, a friend will say “Good evening Tita!” while a best friend will say, “Mommy anong ulam?”
10. Joel Paul – A friend will say, “I love you, but you’re stupid” while a best friend will say, “You’re stupid, but I love you”.
11. No name – A friend will know when you’re sad. A best friend will know what’s making you sad.
12. Jedi Mstr – A friend will buy you a Macbook Pro for your birthday, but your best friend will be the one who will borrow it and you’d let him.
13. Kit – A friend will expect an invitation to your party. A best friend will crash the party whether he’s invited or not.
14. RC and Cess – A friend will kill for you. A best friend will die for you.
15. Carlitos123 – A friend can become your enemy. A best friend can become your worst enemy.
16. Infrared – A friend will steal your girlfriend. A best friend can steal your wife.
17. Uber Vamp – A friend will flirt with your boyfriend. A best friend will have a one-night-stand with him.
18. Spike – When it rains, a friend will share an umbrella with you. A best friend will say: “Run, Bitch!”
19. KittyKitty – A friend will call you: “Friend!” A best friend will call you: “Hoy, bakla!”
20. Elle – A friend will tell you if you’re in a bed romance. A best friend will drag you by the hair out of it.
21. Blitzkrieg – A friend will talk the talk. A best friend will walk the walk.
22. Yellybeans – A friend will just laugh if you fart. A best friend will try to fart louder.
23. Trifler No More – A friend will make sure to attend your party. A best friend will stay behind after everyone leaves to help you clean up.
24. Trifler No More – When you introduce your new love, a friend will say: “I’m so happy for you guys!” A best friend will say: “Lagot ka sa kin pag sinaktan mo kaibigan ko!”
25. Iris – A friend will try to become your best friend. But your best friend will never let that happen.

Top 10 Yaya Quotes

Again, from TMR. If you don’t fall off your chair as you’re reading this, there’s no hope for you.

The Top Ten Yaya Quotes

1. Frederique – We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom.  Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen? “Kapre yun ma’am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na tuy!” (Something similar, and a true story at that: our house maid just returned from the province. The reason for the leave? She had to confront a dwende and a kapre that’s been yearning for her there. Her albolario agrees.)
2. Ivan – Kid: “Yaya look, boats!” Yaya: “Dows are not boats, they’re yachts.” Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?” Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”
3. Sam – Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office. Doc: “Bottlefed?” Woman: “Breastfed po.” (Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly) Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.” Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!”
4. William & Luli – The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten. She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor: “Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!”
5. No name – My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star. Our yaya came back and said: “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!” (Tell me this never happened to you! I dare you!)
6. Cutie Girl – Yaya: “Huhuhu…” Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!” Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?” Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.” Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?” Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…” Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?” Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!” 
7. Curt Smith – (Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!” (Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?” Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”
8. Fuzzy Secretary – Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform. I angrily asked her, “Paano mo naman nasunog to?” She answered: “Secret!”
9. Dew Berry – After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out: “Ang pangit naman, happy ending!”
10. Ungazz – Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!” Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”
11. No name – Mom: “Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!” Yaya: “Ano po lulutuin ko?” Mom: “It’s up to you.” (During dinner) Mom: “Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?” Yaya: “Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko, sabi niyo, ‘kitsup tuyo’!”
12. Aries – Our neighbor’s yaya: “Junjun, chew your mouth!”
13. Abelski – Our yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”
14. Ken -  SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!” INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?” SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!” INDAY: “Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin…kapkeyk…”
15. SC – I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located. She answered: “Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?”
16. No name – Ate: “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!” Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?” Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”
17. Geyp – We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle. Sabi namin: “Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?” Yaya: “Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, ‘concentrate’…”
18. S44 – Neighbor’s yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs: “Down to earth! Down to earth!”
19. Chester – My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio. Before my mom left the house, our yaya said, “Ma’am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!”
20. Astroboy – We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya’s son. So one day I was reviewing him: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?” His mom, our yaya, answered: “Parang Watson’s yata…”
21. No name – Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?” Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!” Sir: “Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?” Yaya: “Gunting, kuya! Gunting!”
22. Ivan – Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?” Driver: “Ikaw lang?” Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”
23. Jun13 – (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya) Kuya: “Yaya…” Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!” Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!” Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”
24. Mr. Perk – Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?” Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”
25. Yñaki – Midget Yaya who was newly hired: “Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo. At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”
26. Sawyer – Yaya to my brother: “Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?” Bro: “Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!” (I know, everyone is guilty of this retort at one point, or two or three, in their life.)
27. Geyp – (after being scolded for breaking her promises): “Ma’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”
28. Jose de vengenge – Yaya buys food at McDo. Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?” Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”
29. Ivan – AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?” MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.” AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?” MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.”
30. Ehem -  Yaya picking up the phone saying: “Hilo?” We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad. We told her, “Yaya, baliktad!” Then Yaya said: “Lohi?”

9.11.08 TopTen

Like any other day, I was listening to the RX last September 11, 2008. Traffic was the usual @ C5 – crawling – but I honestly hardly noticed. I didn’t even care as people looked at me funny because there I was, sitting by my lonsome in the car, laughing my head off. If you’re reading this by your lonesome and there are people around you (I’m thinking you’re at the office), you’d get those exact strange looks (revenge, sweet revenge!). So here’s that hilarious top ten, 911-08, sent in by Johnlang:   

The Top Ten Sexy Lines From Sexy Movies

Jose devengenge “There are 70 ways to make a man happy: Number 1 is to LOVE him…and the rest is 69.”

No name – A girl to her boyfriend who’s always getting himself into trouble: “Para kang bird mo! Kung saan masikip, doon sumusuksok!”

Feb 15 – “Ang gusto ng misis ko, cat style. Parang doggie style…pero sa bubong.”

Maynman – MISTER: “Alam mo hon, yung titok ni Pare, parang champoy.” MISIS: “Kasing kulubot ng champoy?” MISTER: “Hindi…kasing alat…”

No name – “Yang birdie mo parang tsismis…it passes from one mouth to another!”

Astroboy – “Para kang cellphone, pag pasok sa tunnel, nawawalan ng network!”

Specialist – “Laro tayong baril-barilan…patira naman, kahit isang putok lang!”

Jose de vengenge – Couple making love. Woman: “ANSELMOOO!” Man: “Hayop! Sinasabi ko na nga ba! Sino si Anselmo?” Woman: “Tanga! Ang cellphone mo, nagva-vibrate!”

Kaleb – Dad talking to son about the birds and the bees: “Anak, alam mo ba ang ibig sabihin ng bl*wj*b?” Son: “Nagawa ko na po yan…masakit sa panga…”

Rickyfo – Woman: “Binabalaan kita, pauwi na asawa ko!” Man: “Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa sa yo, ha!” Woman: “Kaya nga, gawin mo na bago siya dumating!”

SC – Old maid to young stud: “Mas maasim pa ko sa sinigang ng nanay mo!”

Astroboy – Girl: “Huhuhu, hindi na ko virgin! Walanghiya ka, dalawang beses pa!” Guy: “Ha, minsan lang natin ginawa ah!” Girl: “Ay bakit, hindi na ba tayo uulit?”

Junus – Teacher to student who kept on sneaking in and out of the classroom: “Para kang rapist! Labas-masok ka ng walang paalam!”

Joel – Guy: “Eto na ang tren, papasok na sa tunnel!” Girl: “Hoy, hindi ka sa tunnel pumasok! Nasa imburnal ang tren mo!”

Liz – Girl to guy as she put her hand on his crotch: “Akala ko…life lang ang hard…”

Jose de vengenge – Scene: Two girl friends talking. Girl1: “Girl, ano pagkakaiba ng ari ng lalaki at kamote?” Girl2: “Yuck, I don’t eat kamote!”

Jose de vengenge – Scene: Juan goes to a clinic for a bloodtest. Nurse: “Sir, naubusan po kami ng bulak, kaya sisipsipin ko nalang.” Juan: “Sige, kung ganun…papa-urinalysis na rin ako!”